I'm so totally disgusted, I just don't know what to think. So Andy and I are talking the other day. The girls recently got balloons that had a disclaimer: BEWARE - chocking hazard, or something to that effect. That got us to talking about how the justice system in America has somehow decided that because a child is playing with a company's toy, the company is now responsible for the safety of that child. Huh?! Um, no. I'm responsible for my child, and it's my job to make sure what I allow them to play with is not harmful.
Nice, decent adult conversation wouldn't you say? (I don't get it often, as I'm usually surrounded by toddler talk.)
I was really enjoying our dissection of American culture and children, until the conversation turned sour, pretty quick.
Andy asks, "So, have you ever chewed on a balloon like it's a piece of gum?"
Now I'll be the first to admit. I've done some totally gross out things before. (Do I have to share tickle torture with childhood friends, one of whom would not break until a tongue hit the bottom of his foot? And who did the honors? Yours truly.) But I can honestly say, I have never chewed on a deflated balloon like it was a piece of gum. Yuck. I couldn't understand the fun in this because doesn't a balloon taste like rubber? It smells rubbery, it feels rubbery, I would assume the taste is rubbery. No. Andy claims the taste is netural - words from his mouth, not mine. I gave in. Fine, deflated balloons can substitute for chewing gum.
I thought we were done with this until he says, "Now, you know what really tastes bad is ear wax." "WHAT?!" I said, "Please tell me you have never really tasted ear wax." "Oh yeah," his response, "you haven't?" Um negative on that one as well. Why in the world would I ever taste ear wax? Then he went on to explain how easy it is to accidentally get a chunk of ear wax in your mouth. We finally decided I've never encountered this because I don't tend to dig in my ears with my fingers. I'm a fan of Q-Tips and use them religiously every morning. (Honestly, I wish I could say I'm as faithful with my quiet time.)
So now I've been enlightened. Deflated balloons can be used as a substitute for chewing gum, but beware of ear wax. The taste induces gags and vomitting.
Disclaimer: If you must experiment, you're doing it at your own risk. I have nothing to do with it. If you happen to choke or vomit, welcome to the world of cause and effect. Do something dumb, experience the natural consequences of that dumb act.
